And now for some fur....

Small rug rat lurches in from school looking severely honked off

Rug Rat: The kids at skool don't want to play with me. They say I have fur and beat me up until I eat Honey - and what's more I know they're right.

[Sigh-cop beams in, muttering about "Nuclear Wessals"]

Sigh-cop: But it doesn't need to be that way. Let us take it from here. The problem isn't that they don't like you; it's that they don't understand you (AND they don't like you).

....... We do.

You're a latent Bear about to come into full bloom. Here, have some hunny and Valium and get down to the projectile vomit testing range.

Rug Rat: But...but my mom says that the testing ranges are all in public lavatories!

Sigh-cop: That's right - they're everywhere....For Your Convenience

We now return you to Xena.....er.....ah....The Second part of Cynthia Torquemada's incisive and award-winning interview with Da Bearz....

How do you feel about the treatment of BaBearlon 5 by Unca Joe?

WE knOW tHAt UnCa Joe DOEsn'T rEALLly disLIke uS - hE iS prOBaBLy jUst iN deNiAL, uNwiLLinG tO faCE hiS beARisH teNdeNCiES. JusT LooK at hiM - wHO elSE couLd LooK moRE LikE a BEar?

So if you had JMS here in front of you now, what would you like to say to him?

"wE fORgiVe yOU UnCA Joe - nOw, caN we HAve yOUr aUTogrAPh?"

Finally, I've noticed that there are a number of questions which you have been reluctant to answer: "Who are you?", for example.....

"Never ask that question"

[undeterred]..... or "What do you want?"

[sfx Quivering Bearz]

No - these are the questions that the public have a right to hear answered

[sound of marching Bearz hurridly scarfing volumes of Valium and Honey]

bY tHE nUMbeArz,

[puzzled] But my name's not Ralph!

cEAse voLLey raLphiNG. fiRe at wiLL

[screaming] And my name's not Will either!!!!

>Transfer interrupted!

nO